I have been having a hard time these last few weeks. Being prego and alone is hard. I miss John more then I did when he went to Iraq, and I get to talk to him almost every day, sometimes twice a day. Isaac's sadness over his daddy being gone kills me. We have to make sure the carseat is not visible to him, unless we are in the car, cause all he says as he tries to drag it to the door is "Get daddy!" Breaks my heart. But every night he says his prayers, and only a few words are audilbe: Father, daddy, baby, mommy, and amen. Always in that order with other things added in (that kids can pray forever). But daddy always comes first. And i was afraid he would forget him. Every night he kisses every picture in the picture frame I put together for him. Along with hugs it, and tell daddy I love u. It makes me cry to think that he loves his daddy so much, yet he doesn't get to spend his day to day life with him right now.
The next thing that is killing me. As some of you may know John is scheduled to miss the birth of this baby by 2 weeks. And as many of you it is not even likely that I will make it to 40wks let alone keeping this baby in an extra 2 wks. That so much don't kill me, John doesn't like the birth, he thinks men should still be in the waiting room, waiting for it all to be over. And that doesn't bother me at all since what can he do? But what does kill me and make me cry is that his favorite part about the whole birth thing is getting to be the first one to hold the baby. He held Isaac for hours as i slept from being up, and in labor for 21.5 hrs. And that if this baby comes early or he can't come home early, that he will not be the first one to hold our new baby. Not that he still can't hold it for hrs when he returns, but it will not be the same.
The last thing eating me up is that I turn 25 in two days. AAAHHHH!!! Now to some this might not be a big deal. But to me, i am going to be in my MID-TWENTIES!!! I have always had a hard time with birthdays that made me "grow-up". I hated turn 20, because I was no longer a teen-ager. And now, so I will be in my late-TWENTIES!!! Now those of you that are there, I have no problem with that. And honestly I don't think you are old!! But me I am going to be OLD!!!
On the bright side of things. WE get to find out what the sex of this baby is in 7 DAYS!! YEAH!!! on Mar 12. So check for that update.
As much as John and I wanted to girl, we are jsut happy to be able to have another baby, and that it is health, so far. He didn't want his picture taken, so I have to go to an ultrasound in 4 wks. But so far the heart and brain look good. So we are blessed to be able to have a healthy boy!
