Swimming up Stream

I know, I know, I know! I have been neglecting my blog alot lately, but to be honest I just feel like I am swimming up stream and barely able to keep my head above water some days. I have amazing family and friends that are helping me get thru, but some days it just hard. I have been trying to cling to the hope of priesthood blessing promised. Drag myself along with knowledge that this too shall pass. But some days its alot. We have had a rough year so far. With John leaving suddenly, Noah and Drs that can't make up there minds. I get use to one diagnosis and they change their minds, and with the struggles of 6 hrs of therapy, preschool, relief society callings, 4 specialist, MRIs, brain scans, and so much more.
Within in 2 weeks I was told that Noah had downbeat nystagmus, which I was told was a symptom of a neurological condition, and to see a neurologist. Then one week later I was told he had ataxic cerebral palsy. And that the neurologist would confirm it. We saw the neurologist a few days later, and she told me that he probably had some rare genetic disease, that they would do this extensive genetic test, in which they drew 4 vials of blood from my baby's arm. And then a few days later she EMAILED me to tell me that she has looked at his MRI from 6 months ago, and she found that he has a pineal cyst on the top of his brainstem. And now they had to do a High Definition MRI specifically looking at that area of the brain. She assured me that this kind of cyst are completely benign, and generally are not a problem, infact many people have them and never even know it. But the problem is when they cause symptoms. And since that is even why they found it, well I am terrified!! She won't say much as to what the next step will be, which is not good for me since I am a planner, I am a doer, and I am a mother!! I have faith that I can handle anything that is thrown my way. But I feel like I can't plan, or do anything for him. And as I am sure that as any mother knows, all you want to do is make everything better!! And if it could get any worse, I have to deal with it without JOHN!! I do have an amazing ward. I called one person to come sit with me the night that I go the email and within an hour 5 people were at me house, cooking, doing the dishes, taking care of the kids, and giving us blessings. My mother and mother in law have offered to come help me through it all. And I have talked with those people in John's command to see if we can get him home for all this. They would like to wait and see what the MRI shows. So we wait...Sometimes when it rains it pours. And I am just looking for the break in the clouds. They are coming soon, I know this. And I am looking ahead for the sunshine.